Usuario:Naitsirk/Eminem
Antes de leer usted podría preguntar de dónde viene el nombre Eminem o E.M.I.N.E.M. Cada letra en su nombre significa una palabra. Qiere decir «Every Man Is Naked Even Me» (es: todos los hombres están desnudos incluso yo). Él eligió este nombre después de un doloroso viaje alrededor de África (pronúnciese: ¡¡Ah-frik-ahhh!!) donde un grupo de monos lo crucificó en una banca. Al volver a Estados Unidos lo primero que dijo fue: «Nunca volveré a comer bananas otra vez», qe qiere decir exactamente eso. Ps: antes de Eminem su nombre era M&M qe significa cuán débil era y su adicción al chocolate.
Growing Up
El homosexual hijo de Osama bin Laden y Queen Latifah, Marshall & Mathers (M&M) III ([17 de octubre de 1987), comúnmente conocido como Eminem o Slim Shady fue concebido después de decir «FACK YOU!» to Dr.Dre's womb.
Él fue un bebé de dos gramos con un vestigio de pene growing from his forehead he had a kilo of smack on him which was taken by Dr.Dre and smoked by Dre and Snoop Dogg (Eminem's uncle) but Snoop will have nothing to do with Eminem because he is white and can't rap however Snoop has not totally lost contact with Em because the often speak on the street however we do not know what was said because all that was heard was "wigady wack shizze bizzle shabba nado". After several operations on the entire world's population, people were unable to see this giant organ, and thus the problem was solved cheaply. Eminem was repeatedly bullied during his childhood, as he was the only white child in an entirely black-oriented world in which Jesus was still alive and ruled with a giant spatula believed to possess magical powers.
As a means of combatting the Black-Oriented society, Eminem was one of the founding fathers of the white revolution movement, and often was arrested for having agressive battles between his barbershop quartet and other rivaling factions. To this day, Eminem has 490 felonies under his belt.
Some of these include, but are not necessarily limited to:
- Use of tanning salons whilst white.
- Drive-by swearing.
- Musket battles.Favourite
- Driving exactly at the required speed limit.
- Singing whilst under the influence of aftershave.
- Sodomizing Dr. Dre
- Being sodomized by Dr. Dre
- Pistol-whipping a punching bag.
- Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.
- Talking about how small his dick is in every single rap song he's ever made.
eminem before surgery
First meeting with the media
Eminem did early become familiar with the media. This picture got first price in the local snapshot contest in the newspaper Huztla taken by his grand grand uncle George W. Bush Sr.
- Comments from the jury: This picture reveals a moment of truth about the little bastard we all know(Eminem) obsession about dogs and shit.
His Wife
Sometime during his rapping career his wife dumped him for the fat guy in Bowling For Soup who apparentley squished the ex wife of the strange poor rapper. He later had sex with his ex wife in her sleep causing the birth of his first child. Eminem Despised his wife so much he made millions of songs about the bitch with such as
- You don't know she's in my trunk
- Till Kim collapses, I'ma make her collapse with my gun
- Who knew Kim was gonna die? Me...
- Kim is the reason I'm gay
- My name is Kim
- Lose yourself stabbing Kim
- White and black americans hate Kim
- The real Slim Shady could kill Kim
- Haley's hate song for her mom... by me
- Just lose it strangling Kim
- Asses like that can squish Kim
- My band is gonna kill Kim
- Kill you... if your name is Kim
- Cleaning out my closet, the one with Kims's bones
- When I'm gone I'll be back to kill Kim
- Toy soldiers are stronger than Kim
- Stans on the loose to kill Kim
- Kim's my bitch
- Welcome to Detroit City you bitch Kim
- My name is I hate Kim
- Lost his masculinity after a drive by shooting
- Loves your mom
- You don't know when I'll slit your throat
- The re-up your ass Kim
- Get my gun 'cuz Kim's comin for tea
- Fight music dedicated to Kim
- Kim....... is a bitch
- Oh my God, I killed Kim
- Im just Marshall Mathers and Kim Mathers is a bitch
- Public Enemy #1 Kim
- I had some 40oz and am gonna kill Kim now BYE
- Fack a bitch so she later kills Kim
- One shot, two shot, three shot on Kim
- I like men except Kim
- I was just kidding, me and Kim are actually good friends!
- Oh my God, it's Kim and she's driving into my minefield/backyard
- I'm gonna shove my toy soldier up Kim's back door.
- If I had enough guns to kill Kim
- I just don't give a fuck about that muthafuckin bitch Kim
- I still don't give a fuck about that muthafuckin bitch Kim
- Nail in the coffin, and by coffin, I mean Kim
- Git up Kim, so I can beat your ass
- Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim (Kim).......................... Kim.
- Patiently waiting to fuck Kim up
- Let's get down to business, and slit Kim's throat
- When bad meets evil, Kim gets killed
- As the world turns, I'm still killing Kim
- Shit on you Kim
- Kim will suck my gat 9
- Amityville is where I dumped Kim's body
- I got drips from Kim
- Square dance around Kim's rotting corpse
- Kim has a 'Big Weenie'
- I'm back... to finish Kim off
- Kim's gonna have 'Brain Damage' after I'm done with her
- Rock bottom is where Kim's body will end up
- The good die young... but Kim died slow
- Kim can't believe it's not butter... but that's 'cause she's a hoe
- Forgot about Kim
- A story about the first time I got high... PS: fuck you Kim.
In 2002 he made a movie about his relatonship with Kim entitled "7.9 Miles to Kim's House!"
Assassination attempt
On June 74th, 1996, David Beckham shot Eminem outside of a Goodwill stationed at Duquion, Idahowa. Eminem was searching a dumpster for clothes that he could wear to his next concert. Beckham bumped into Eminem and yelled, "You've served your purpose. You may die now!"
Abruptly after that, he shot Eminem in the heart. Unfortunately, the bullet was useless since Eminem does not have a heart and has metal skin. The wound quickly healed and closed, and Eminem began laughing maniacally as he peeled the flesh of his face to reveal that he was in fact, the Antichrist.
He then proceeded to take 24 gallons of Peanut Butter and shove them down Kennedy's throat. Lee Harvey Oswald was the guy that delivered the beverages, and therefore, got arrested for this.
During his days in prison, Eminem produced a new song dedicated to his lover at the time 50 Cent. The song is entitled: "I Wanna Love Yo Ass", which is later sued for copying a line 'I wanna pump Fiddy in the anus' of a nursery song.
Sobbing Bitterly
Perhaps Eminem's greatest achievement is his invention of the act of sobbing bitterly. His mournful, heart-wrenching sobbing can be heard in his movies, music and heart-shaped diary (which he keeps hidden beneath his own sense of personal injustice, rendering it completely inaccessible to the outside world). A three-year-old girl in a shopping centre was once suspected of being a superior sobber to Eminem, but closer investigations revealed that her mother had placed a set of speakers beneath her shirt and was playing the 8-Mile soundtrack.
Eminemización
Eminem is well known for inventing "Eminemization", a process by which the explicit-ness of a song and/or phrase is multiplied a thousand times. He has done this in everything he has said in the past ten years, unless the unholy might of the FCC opposed him. Hence, he summoned the mighty "Stop FCC"-campaign to distract them, with Janet Jackson's boob in the lead. Eminemization is done in two simple steps:
- Take every verb and replace it with "fuck."
- Take every noun and replace it with "shit." ("Bitch" is also acceptable)
- Refer to your mother as "a fucking bitch"
- End every sentance with "you know what I'm sayin'?"
Let us take a normal talk from everyday life:
- James: You seem very good at running.
- Oscar Wilde: Seem? I am very good at running. You've seen me yourself.
- James: You must exercise a lot.
- Oscar Wilde: Oh yes. I have some very good exercise machines, and I spend 40 minutes a day on them.
- James: You have very big muscles, don't you?
- Oscar Wilde: Yes.
- James: Might I feel them?
- Oscar Wilde: Fuck, yeah!
And now, thanks to Eminemization, it is:
- James: You seem very good at sex.
- Oscar Wilde: Seem? I am very good at sex. You've fucked me bitch.
- James: You must fuck a lot.
- Oscar Wilde: Oh yeh. I have some very good bitches, and I fack 40 minutes a day...
- James: You have very big penis, don't you?
- Oscar Wilde: Yes.
- James: Might I fuck it?
- Oscar Wilde: Fuck yeah
Personal Life
Eminem has never mentioned his personal life in any of his music or interviews so very little is known about the man. Top scientists have only been able to piece together small parts of his life and the rest is assumption. Eminem was born between 1901 and 1980 somewhere in the Alpha Centauri system. He grabs his crotch a lot to make sure it's still there, because once he drove off a bridge or something and lost it. Or someone else did, with it in the trunk.
He is also known to be somewhat of a mama's boy, as he and his mother are extremely close. He is known to cook breakfast for his mother every day, do household chores for her in the house that he bought her, and go grocery shopping for her. He even wrote a song called, "I wish all women were like Mom".
He once found this article and is planning to kill the creator as he says "The creator of this shit is a cunt, he will fucking die!" and proceeded to put an advertision in the local newspaper for a hitman to take the mission. When no one responded to it, he bitched and moaned and wrote another song about his wife. It is believed that his wife is Elton John.
Eminem's favorite rap group is the Cunt Crew and he loves boy bands. This terrorist rap group is fronted by 2 life long friends of Eminem, George W. Bush and Bill (the machine) Clinton
Eminem, real name Helder Soldado, currently lives in a half-mile long platinum trailer with his mother, daughter, and archemeny/Eminemisis, Emily Anenome Eminem, Iron eminem, dream eminem, cannibal eminem, defminemguy, emitheatre and dark tranquliminem .
He sparked controversy again this year. Eminem, who celebrates his 11th birthday in 2 short months, released a feature film about his life. 18 Miles (Known in Europe as 12.2 Kilometres) is a subtitled film in black and white showing scenes from his childhood. The 130 minute scene at his cousins wedding was controversial as the young Eminem is only even in the background for some of it, and has no speaking lines.
Eminem is most famous for his small time career as a model for marks and spencers outlets and was most famous for modelling ladies clothers.
Other Affilations
He has a known affiliation with many groups known to the world. These include
- Nambla
- Ku Klux Klan
- The Black Panthers
- MI-6
- Komitet gosudarstvennoi bezopasnosti (KGB)
- Central Intelligence Agency
- Palestinian Liberation Organization
- 'Culture Club
- W.I.G.G.A - Wiggers In Gay G-Strings Association
- Gerard Way's Baby Foundation
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